As much as it worried me, it also excited me. Much as if I possessed some sort of cursed power to bring death upon everything I loved. The walls of isolation to shut the world out, got stronger with every heartbreak, and I sort of started liking the solitude that ruled my kingdoms of loneliness,  not like I had a choice anyway!

It somehow seemed easier to live in my fantasies than to embrace the painful reality which full of dismay and emptiness; woven with pain and disgust. With a heart full of broken dreams, I felt safe in the shadows. a don of armor of indifference, I wore as a shield against the attacks of rejection. My imaginations, often filled me with a bittersweet nostalgia,  extraordinarily a nostalgia for a future that has not happened yet, as though somewhere,  sometime, I lived a wonderful life.

I no longer recognized myself in the mirror,  my reflection possessed a characteristic that I did not.The deeper these thoughts flooded my mind, the more I lost grip to myself. i picked up a pen; not a fan of poetry scribbled a few thoughts onto my neglected notebook.

No More

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No More

Groping through the moonlight,
As the hungry wolves howl,
Frozen from the darkness,
Listening to the monsters growl,
I stood there in captivity,
As a cemetery scared me no more.
Waiting for you,
While the nights grew colder,
And my heart darker,
I could wait no more.
I leaped into the abyss,
With the heart I once bore,
Fishing for your smile,
Amongst the crying corpses.
My heart sank in despair,
This misery; so hopeless,
Until,
My eyes finally met your smile,
Healing me with its glare,
A new grave was then formed,
Beside you,
As I lay comfortably numb,
in captive solitary.
In a world where,
I miss you no more.

that felt a lot better! Phew, taking refuge at suicidal poetry; didn’t seem too bad, as long as it kept the storms of my mind at bay! I was the curse; my brother the blessing. It ripped my heart apart into few million pieces to love with all the hatred, and to smile with all the pain.

What have I become?  Weak? Strong? Lost? I no longer knew. The unanswered cries and the deceiving laughs,  selfish people who lie, my wounds that refused to stop bleeding and the pain that never went away had transformed me into something unrecognizable, well. it didn’t seem do bad after all! ..


© chaos-xd 2016


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